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| Description |
Travel:
We will crash-land the pod of the last person to partake in this trip right through the roof of your house. Inside you will find all you need to ensure your survival in a hostile environment for any time up to 10 hours, as well as detailed instructions on how to blast off.
You may experience hostile fire from the local space-pirates, but do not worry, as we will cover up any trace of this if you are attacked, leaving your claims unsubstantiated in a court of law.
Accommodation:
Expect no leisure breaks on this trip. Experience the wonders of the outdoors as they are magnified through the absence of food and shelter. Sleep is also out of the question as you are given a task that will see you repeatedly wet yourself in fear.
Your hunting skills will be tested to the maximum as you are simultaneously attacked from all sides, expected to jump over pools of lava and survive attacks of poisoned gas.
Nature:
The wonderous beauty of nature will be experience on this trip, as the local wildlife try to mame and kill you at every occasion.
SEE: The Metroids in their own environment
WATCH: As they suck the juice from your brains
DIE: In mind-boggling agony
SEE: Kraid and Ridley in their natural environments
WATCH: As they rip out your intestines and dangle them in front of your face
DIE: Whilst your vital organs hang from your body.
There are also unconfirmed reports that Queen Metroid and the Mother Brain herself inhabit the planet. Of course, this is all speculation as nobody has ever made it back alive to tell us.
The small print:
This hunting experience has been personally tested by the best in the business, and although no travellers have ever returned from Planet Zebes, we can guarantee that you will feel the desperate loneliness and unimaginable fear that everybody experiences on the planet.
From hunting novice to psychotic serial killer, Metroid Travel can guarantee a number of differing wildlife to blow-up, beat and burn. Although there are many animals that will want to use you as an alternative to the local fast food restaurant 'Eat n' Excrete.'
Cranial damage or your money back.
No insurance is avaiable and no medical assistance will be provided. All lung punctures, body blows and leg fractures are to be expected, with death from insomnia and bleeding thrown in at no extra cost. When you get to Planet Zebes, you're on your own. Any complaints will be referred to our complaints specialist, who will write them down on a club and fly out to beat you with it.
So bid now. Approximately 10 out of 10 travellers say that they've experienced no pain like it.
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